Insecurity 

Yesterday, I asked some closest friends perhaps the weirdest question ever:

What do you think if I deleted all the pictures in my personal IG?

Generally, they do not mind. I know, it such a trivial things, but I learn that big problem usually comes from small misunderstanding. So, for better or worse, I asked them.

Around this month, my insecurity level went up. I do not know the exact reason, but I feel like there are so much, so much trigger. I feel betrayed ((thrown like a trash)) in one moment. Also I have to constantly lie in another, which is vexing. Then, I lost respect in someone too, who I used to label as “really kind guy”. So, yeah, because all that happened in this month, it throws me in sea of insecurity. Worse, I have lesser people to talk too. I only able to share deeply with Miu, since she knows the circumstance. Even more worse, I need to unlock one part which I locked for almost six years. It makes me much much sensitive than usual. I spent almost a week to sleep, but I never feel enough. Every time I wake up, the uneasiness attacks again.

So, why you do that?

I used to have stalker, not only once. Almost in every stage of my life and I am not proud of it. Yes, all the trigger makes the bad memories resurrected. I feel like I need to take down all pictures that shows the relations I have; family, close friends and myself. So, in order to not make them misunderstood, I decided to ask first. The funniest part is some of them ((who never really experience with the more introvert me)) think that I have star syndrome /bhakss. No dear, the fact is I do that to protect you. Well, I already let one loose, so I need to do that ASAP. 

Then, are you really deleted your pics?

Yup, this morning. I only left the pictures which consists of objects, place or incomplete selfie. I do not care if I lost followers. I want to embrace the deeper me ((the me I locked six years ago)). I am not going to care about “weird” label anymore. Being normal is not fun!

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