Six years ago, the moment I stepped into one certain place, I know right away that I need to create another persona in order to be fit in. That world consists of tradition, pragmatism and order. It so much different from the world I used to know. Before, I have several people who understand me without I tell, people who can read. People who can tell in one glance. The clairvoyant.
In that world, I have no one. I throw everything related to the old me, aside from a heartbroken, I didn’t want it to resurrect. But hey, human can’t be something they don’t supposed to be, huh? Once a while, it seeps in, creating chaos and complete madness. Make others confused also mad. Attracting trouble.
Does it mean that it was a lie, all this time? No, the me they know is still the same. I don’t lie to them. I only trying to embrace this side now. It just the actual me that has a lot layer, a lot that maybe people will break if they tried to understand. I witnessed it in the past. The damage is physical and can be mentally permanent. That’s why, I responded to people in the wavelength they’re in, for their own safety. I know, at which point people will break if they know too much.
I’m sorry for being such a confusing human.